If we're being honest, then this has never been my home. not for any big, dramatic reason, but because my parents now live in a house that i've never lived in. So, quite honestly, this isn't my home.
In terms of "house as home", i've never really understood that connection. As a small child my parents moved a lot, and even as i've gotten older that's kind of maintained. we've never lived in a place longer than 4-5 years, even when they've owned the house.
I kind of wonder if this is a bit of deep-seated dissatisfaction of some sort. I feel it too. I've been in my current residence a little over 6 months, and that's a long time for me. I start to think about moving again. Finding something better, or more convenient. Or nicer? It's probably some internalized american-dream bullshit.
Either way, family togetherness and holidays often bring out the "Where am i going, what am i doing, is this what my life is really all about?"-ness in me, and this visit is no exception. Whenever i talk to people about what i'm doing with my life, they have nothing but silent judgement. I get questions like "oh, is there a lot of money in that?" or "Well, you're still looking for a real job, right?" It gets very old very quickly. My parents are pretty supportive - they long ago learned i'm gonna do what i'm gonna do and they can either be on board or i'll just stop talking to them about it. My Aunt Kelly was also super supportive when we talked about my life in general, my desire to go back to school, thoughts of relocation and whatnot. It was really refreshing.
I guess you always stay a kid to some people, and i haven't been a kid for quite a while now. I just want a small measure of respect, or at least for people to consider that i actually THINK about things before i do them.
Oh well, i can't really control the thoughts of others, or this would be a whole different affair.
At any rate, i'm also blogging on tumblr, as well as being a new columnist for Queervoice.net (i'm doing a weekly column there). Take a gander!
Happy Holidays, folks.